Privately Yours, For The World To See

It’s amazing the complex web of emotions and thoughts I’ve had today. About you and about us.

I’m still flattened by it all – the scope of what is and what could be and what may not be.

When I look at you, deep in thought, I see strength and goodness and someone who is determined to survive to live, really live but not in desperation. I also sense doubt and worry, fear and concern. I’m determined to be there for you in the way you need and want.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt like this before. It feels dangerous and exhilarating that I chance a broken heart. Somewhere in my soul, I know that it would be worth it. I can’t deny this no matter how hard I try and I have tried. My hope is that we are unlike Tristan and Isolde, doomed to have missed the making.

You commit in place of witness. You love and scarcely hate. Truth bolsters you where cleverness is artifice to be waved away – seen for a momentary amusement. You conquer without a bellow and ride without breaking the horse. Your sins are your own even when they are of another. Your glow is the twilight and the dawn all at once and never at all. Your core is love and life together borne by the energy of an invincible star never to end as anonymous dust.

That’s all I can bear at the moment. Here it issued from my silent lips, these words are my proxy – I love you.