Happy Chanoocar

Yes, folks, it’s the holiday season once again, when copious consumption of everything that isn’t nailed down is the order of the day. Or, in the case of Advent, about 22 days.

Even the Heebs find this time of year appropriate for rejoicement.  Yeah, yeah, I know that’s not a word. So, what better way than to appropriately adorn one’s entryway, as per The Law, with a marking on the doorpost, a la that thing that happened that time when the doorways had to be marked so that the Great Wazoo wouldn’t grab up our firstborn by mistake and such? I dunno: you’ll have to refer to the text. I don’t have time for that now. Oh, wait: I’m quoting myself. Cool.

Anyhow, here’s what I found on Amazon, the world’s greatest virtual marketplace for stuff:

There you have it. In the tablet version of this listing, Amazon thoughtfully points out that delivery might not be made in time for Christmas. Note also that nails are not included. As a Christmas gift, nails would be somewhat inappropriate, considering what happened to the holiday’s overarching namesake some three decades hence. But the scroll isn’t included, either. That’s too bad, really, because, after all, what’s a mezuzah without a scroll?

Regardless of your religious persuasion (or lack thereof, should you remain unpersuaded, as the case may be), I strongly recommend the affixment (yes, yes, fine) of a suitably blessed mezuzah to your doorpost. In this time of plague, one can’t be too careful.