Christmas is Dead

Today, I disposed of the Christmas Tree slash Hannukah Bush. It tried to resist being put out, but in the end, I prevailed. Approximately 34,982 pine needles were left behind. After applying mechanical suction that cleared the temporary forest floor of debris, it became apparent that the Premium Quality Tree Stand that I was happy to have had from last season had leaked. And leaked and leaked into the carpet a stain that resembled a map of a country known only to someone’s imagination. So, I steam-cleaned until the stains were a mere suggestion. Perhaps tomorrow, I will Oxy-fy them. We’ll see if my efforts thus far have intimidated the stains into invisibility.